Chris’s Story
Chris, age 44
BC, Canada
PSSD 16 years
To Whom It May Concern,
If there was legal drugs on the market that's supposed to improve your quality of life but the side effects destroys your libido and ability to have sex, gives you anhedonia, and takes away your ability to feel love would you take it? You would probably laugh and say "you’re joking right?" I would reply back "I wish I was joking but its real and it's a living hell with victims committing suicide" These drugs are prescribed every day to Canadians with 5.8% Canadians on them. These drugs are commonly known as antidepressants (SSRI/SNRI), and the side effects continue even after the drug is discontinued. The medical term is Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction (PSSD). It is a very rare condition that only effects a small percentage of users that have used antidepressants. There is currently no cure for this and not much is known about it.
How do I know so much about this rare condition? I’m a 44 year old male that’s been living with this for the past 14 years and it’s been a living hell. I just want my life back before taking these drugs. I first started taking antidepressants in my late 20's. I was going through some tough times but I still had a good quality of life just up and down days. Looking back I know I would've been fine if I didn’t start with these meds. It was a trial and error process but I found one that I felt like it made a difference. It’s commonly known as a Effexor. I was on Effexor for 2 years I felt great, I could feel love, and still desired sex. The only problem was that I had extreme erectile dysfunction, I couldn’t get an erection without erectile dysfunction meds, and my penis was always in a state of shrinkage, like I had just jumped in a cold river. In that 2 year period I couldn't masturbate, and only had sex 2 or 3 times. This was very disturbing for me as I was 30 year old male I had a very high and active sex life with no problems prior to taking this med. I went to see my Doctor and under his guidance I tapered off over a 3 week period. I woke up one morning with an erection, everything seemed back to normal, but this was short lived and only lasted about a week. I went to bed one night and woke with erectile dysfunction again, but this time it was different it was almost like a switch within me was shut off. I had lost the desire for sex my libido had vanished as well the ability to feel love.
I was terrified and returned to my doctor for some answers. The answer was "you’re still experiencing the side effects of the med give it sometime and you'll return to normal. 6 months went by and nothing was back to normal. Back into the Doctor I went for some answers "You must be depressed, low libido is a sign of depression, we'll put you on another antidepressant that doesn’t have sexual side effects.” 2 years on that med and still no improvement, mentally I was fine, the med was doing its job and masking the issue that I had been chemically castrated by the previous med.
I decide it was time to come off of this med and under my Doctors guidance I slowly tapered off in hopes that all my sexual functioning and my ability to feel emotions like love again would return, still no luck after 4 months. I was getting frustrated with this and PSSD, I was male in his mid 30's that didn’t have a sex drive, and couldn’t get an erection if a woman was interested in me. This started me on a deeper path of depression as I was losing hope of ever been returning back to normal. At the time I had friend that was on a Cipralex and they said it was working great for them. (They really seemed happy) I never thought to ask how their sex drive was. I decide that maybe I should I try it and once again under my Doctors guidance I started on a Cipralex in the summer of 2009. It seemed to help for depression although I felt like a emotionless zombie at times, and still no sex drive, or erections. As all my friends were settling down and starting families I was getting left behind. I felt like I was turning into that loaner male that would never find someone. So in the spring of 2012 I again visited my Doctor and again I slowly tapered off of Cipralex. This was the first time I’ve ever experienced intrusive thoughts. It was out right terrifying. I managed through it though, and remained off of the meds for almost 5 years. I was 100% med free for 5 years and in that time my sex drive did not return in the least amount. I still couldn’t get erections, masturbate, or feel love. I was still experiencing the side effects of these horrible drugs even after 5 years of being off of them.
In May of 2017 the darkness of PSSD really started to affect me mentally. A depression and hopelessness like I’ve never felt before set in with each passing day getting more difficult to handle. Every night I would go to bed hoping the next day would be better but the next day I would be worse. I remember putting on one of my favorite comedians on Netflix but didn’t laugh once. I went to bed that night not knowing if I would make it. I was having intrusive suicidal thoughts. I made a promise to myself that if I woke up the next day feeling worse than I did the day before I would drive myself to the hospital, because if I didn’t, I would've definitely commit suicide. I spent 5 days in the Hospital, and 6 weeks in a supportive housing facility. I explained my story to those that I saw. None of them had heard about PSSD. The solution was more meds because I was severely depressed. Again I went on the trial and error process of trying a handful of different antidepressants, and still no sex drive or the ability to achieve an erection, or feel real emotions.
The last 3 years have been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. I’m currently on the antidepressant Setraline. It’s made me emotionally numb, as well as my penis, I also can’t feel a connection with someone on an intimate level. I basically take life day by and live in the moment, because if I think in the future and living with PSSD for the rest of my life I don’t see much point in living. You don’t realize it till you've lost it but when you take away a person's ability away to feel love, and to be intimate with others then they've lost their purpose in life.
Thank You